It’s Okay to Get a Divorce / Girl’s This is for You

Let me first start this post by saying that this is completely my opinion on divorce. All divorces are different. This post is about the things I experienced through the process of filing and ultimately getting a divorce.

Everyone knows and says ‘divorce is hard’. I completely agree. My parents were divorced by the time I was 4. I have no knowledge of them being together. When I fell in love, right out of high school, I knew that I was going to get married and have babies. The sooner the better. I didn’t go to college, I didn’t have a career, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. This was long before I started my photography business and I ended up getting dead end jobs and then quitting because I knew I was worth more than what I was offered. I would also love to say that I had a super sweet proposal with a white horse, flowers and glitter but it didn’t happen that way. Not even close. Six months after we started dating, He (I’m just going to call him He) moved into the house that I had with my sister. Not going to sugar coat anything about this or pretend like it was some elegant place. It was a trailer. My dad bought it when he and my mom were together. He did some work to it, as much work as you can do to a single wide trailed that was originally purchased in the 70’s. I can’t tell you how many times it was moved. It even caught fire, which is how my dad ended up buying it in the first place. Anyway, without a judgment in the world, He moved in with my sister and I. Because the trailer was on my families farm, we didn’t have rent to pay or any other bills. My grandfather paid the electric bill because everything on the farm was tied into the same bill. We had little expenses.

We lived there for 4 years and every few weeks I would pester him about looking for a house. He had been working full time and had been saving all of his money. I begged and pleaded. I knew we would end up getting married so why wait on buying a house? We had a small budget to work with but in January 2010 we started our journey of house hunting. I was ecstatic. Something I could finally call my own! We toured many houses in our price range. Most of them needed work but after months of searching, we found one that I had to have. After lots of negotiating with the sellers, the house was ours. In March of 2010, I sat him down and told him that although it wasn’t much, this trailer was my home. It was the place I lived the longest (At the time I had lived there for 7 years. I asked that we please get married. More like I demanded we get married. I wasn’t leaving this place to move in with a boyfriend and then be responsible for moving out if things didn’t work. I told him we would go to the mall and I would pick out a ring. There wasn’t any delay on getting married. I didn’t do it for the ring. I did it because I wanted the security, the promise. Against his will, he agreed and we ended up at the mall on a Friday night for me to pick out a ring. Of course I did, I tried on a bunch and finally settled on one. I left the mall that night, engaged. I guess it’s still considered engaged? He didn’t get down on one knee, he didn’t ask me to marry him. It wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows like most girls get. But I was okay with that.

Instantly, I started planning our wedding. So during 2010, we searched for a house, found a house, got ‘engaged’, settled on a house, moved into a house, planned a wedding and got married. All in the same year. That was by far, my best year. I was so in love. I wanted nothing more than to marry him and I thought he felt the same. September 25, 2010, I walked down the aisle to see my groom. He didn’t cry. He looked bored. He just wanted the beer that was in the trunk of the limo. I wasn’t going to let that take away from my day. We had an amazing reception. It was fun and included lots of good food, dancing and probably too much booze.

As the next year rolled around, I was still so happy and in love. I was grateful for everything he had given me. Eventually, I was able to quit my nanny job to go full time with my photography. I wasn’t making much money but his check was enough to take care of the bills in the house. Often, I would write him notes thanking him for the life he had given me. Every night, without fail, I cooked him dinner. Every day, I cleaned the house and took care of the dogs. I did his laundry. I mowed the grass. I did the grocery shopping. I took out the trash. If the dishwasher broke, I was taking it apart late at night because I didn’t want him to have to worry about getting it fixed. I didn’t want to stress him out. He worked too much to be stressed out.

The topic of kids came up often but never in a serious manner. After 3 years of this same lifestyle, I started to feel distant from him. I didn’t feel loved. I felt like I was a damn good wife and I had a roommate for a husband. I didn’t get little notes but instead was the one leaving him little notes thanking him. The only attention I got from him was when he went through our bank account every morning before work. He’d ask me why I spent $104.03 at Walmart, groceries can’t be that expensive. He had no idea. He had no idea that I was taking care of him. I was taking care of him like every wife should take care of her husband if the wife had the privilege of staying home and running a business.

Two more years went by that I felt distant from him. I had multiple conversations with him about what I needed from him to make this work. I left the conversation open for him to let me know what he needed from me too. I knew I wasn’t perfect. I probably did spend too much at TJ Maxx every month but other than my spending, he didn’t have anything to complain about. Last year, 2015, He told me I needed to find a part time job. He didn’t want to work as much as he was. Without hesitation, I started applying for jobs. I was hired at New England Motor Freight. It was a second shift position and I was required to go in at 5 and the hours varied. Sometimes, I wasn’t home until 2am. But I did it. I woke up and did my photography and editing work, I cooked him dinner, made his plate and I went to work. When his hours at work didn’t change and he worked as much as he used to, I became resentful of him. Not only was I working again, technically 3 jobs, I was taking care of the house and him. If I thought two years prior, that I didn’t feel loved, I felt even more unloved during last summer. I fell out of love with my husband. At that point, I didn’t even want to be in love with him. I wanted to be out on my own and do me. I wanted to be independent. I was done taking care of everyone. I needed to do things that made ME happy. That was a big step.

I started by moving to my grandmothers for a few weeks. He texted daily and asked if I would come home. During those few weeks, he definitely tried to make it up to me but it was too late. It was too far gone. I wasn’t in the marriage and my heart certainly wasn’t in the marriage. I wanted out. I needed out. I knew it would break his heart. I knew he wanted me to come back. I knew he would do anything he had to to make it work. I didn’t go back. I went back to pack up my stuff. I told him I wanted a divorce. Between cries on both sides, we went to the bank to immediately have my name taken off the bank account. I started my own account with $100. I spent 2 days packing my stuff while he was at work. I was happy to have finally told him that I didn’t want to stay married but I was sad to leave my home. The place that I never took for granted. After those 2 days, he changed the locks and told me I couldn’t come get anything else.

Together, he and I went to the lawyer and I filed the paperwork. He signed the papers as soon as he got them. He came to my grandmother’s one night and took my car. It was it both of our names but I ended up signing a paper stating I didn’t want any parts of it. I didn’t want to fight with him. I knew I was breaking his heart by leaving. I didn’t want his life to be torn apart anymore than it already had been. I left all of my kitchen stuff there for him. Things I loved. Things that were given to me from my grandmother. I left every single towel and washcloth, pot and pan, dish and spoon.

I didn’t ask for anything in the divorce. My lawyer had not made anything clear to me. He didn’t tell me what I had a right to have. He didn’t tell me I could have gotten alimony. He didn’t tell me that I should have had half of everything in the house. I didn’t want to drag out the process anymore than I had already. I guess I was naive. I didn’t listen to anyones advice. I didn’t get anything in my divorce – because I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t fight for it. I didn’t look out for ME, the reason why I left in the first place.

So here I sit, sitting in a rental property i’ve had for a few months with Hallie. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. We get along great, the house is beautiful but, I am broke. I am lonely. I miss my old house more than words can say. I miss my dishes. I miss my pots and pans. I miss my good sheets. I miss my cute little garden and my cozy front porch. Would I go back if I had the chance? Absolutely not. The struggle of being on my own and being broke is worth way more than taking care of someone and being lonely in a different way.

Here is my advice to any woman out there thinking about a divorce.

  1. GET A GOOD LAWYER.

I would 100% have hired a different lawyer if I could go back. He didn’t tell me how it all worked, he didn’t fight for me. He didn’t give me the knowledge that I should have had. Get a lawyer, a good one. Invest that chunk of money because you deserve much more than you think. I was left worse off than when he met me. I had a house, albeit a crappy one, and a car. I was literally left with nothing. Do your research. Know what you guys have and what you have together.

2. FINACIALLY BE PREPARED.

If you were the one raking in the dough, good for you, sister! I wish I had been to. Absolutely start a separate account a throw a little money into it now and then. You’ll need it. Especially if you’re too nice like me. If you are someone who takes care of other’s before yourself.

3. IT’S HARD

It is absolutely hard. Even though I was the one that wanted it. Even though I was the one that left. The guilt will eat you alive. You will daily question your decision. ‘What if’s’ will becoming too familiar.

4. ASSUME HE’S THE WORLDS BIGGEST ASSHOLE.

In a million years I never would have guessed that my husband would have treated me the way he did through the process. I have nothing bad to say about him except that he knew he was getting a good deal by me leaving the way I did and instead of answering emails and returning things he knew meant a lot to me, he ignored and still ignores everything to this day.

5. FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Guess what, if he was the bread winner, you deserve alimony. If you had kids, you deserve child support. If you spent any amount of time taking care of this man that you once loved, you deserve half. Trust me, I deserve half of whatever we had together. Do not stop until you get what is yours. You need to look out for you now. No one else will.

I will end by saying that if you are still in love with your partner – try. If you have kids with this person – try. A marriage is something so special. It doesn’t deserve to be thrown away at the drop of the hat but know what your worth. Know how you deserve to be treated. I think a woman should feel as though she’s her husbands moon and stars. He should adore her. He should provide for her. He should take care of her. And she should do the same in return. It’s okay to want a better life for yourself. It’s okay to want a better life for your kids. It’s okay to get a divorce. Let me say that again in case someone out there reads this and needs to hear it – It’s okay to get a divorce.

I know this was all a little personal but I wish I had read something like this during my process. Someone to relate to. Someone to give me advice. Someone to tell me like it was, no sugar coated, no technical words.

Happy Saturday!

 

xoxo

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  • Alex comentou em 3 de dezembro de 2009 às 17:48. Julia, tenho cabelos lisos como os teus, mas com mais cabelos. Eu uso este mesmo spray ou tem outro para indicar?Bjss

  • A pleasingly rational answer. Good to hear from you.

  • Hello! First thanks for the awesome interview, excerpt and giveaway. Now, on to the question. I found out how many true friends I had when another of my friends were shot and killed.

  • Requiem Electricus: Muchas gracias por la información. Lo quenpasa es que habíamos encontrado las tablaturas de "Purple Haze" con información anexada; pero como los pulpos y yo no sabemos todavía de Música no entendímos que significaba todo eso.Saludos y gracias.

  • Very down to earth article, thanks.I have only started my edible garden about two years ago and despite having quite some knowledge about gardening in general, I found it pretty hard, and the first year was costly too.I think the essence is that you have to actually enjoy gardening. Then, it’s nice to think that those vegetables on your table did not actually cost you too much. If gardening is a chore, however, there are better and far easier ways to save money.

  • Interesting articles on information like this is a great find. It’s like finding a treasure. I appreciate how you express your many points and share in your views. Thank you.

  • I compliment you on your writing, the way you describe your work and your feelings towards the balance you need in your life to achieve the pots you want. One can see the influence of your years of teachng and the “steady diet of literature” you maintain .Thank you for sharing your valuble lesson about expectations and what is.Regards from Bogota, Colombia.

  • My grandparents are Swedish immigrants and these look like sweet Dala horses! My daughter turns 1 in June and we’re planning a “One Dala” party! This would make the perfect pinny for her to wear, as well as perfect to add cute details to the party table!!!! Either way, I’m going to have to find me some of this fabric!![]

  • Thanks for making the honest strive to provide an explanation for this. I feel very robust about it and would like to be informed more. If it’s OK, as you attain extra in depth wisdom, may you mind adding extra posts very similar to this one with more information? It might be extremely useful and useful for me and my colleagues.

  • Calling all cars, calling all cars, we’re ready to make a deal.

  • Oct10 Not only did he leave his home state, the jerk announced it on nnitoaal tv and slapped the Cavs right across the face. He made it a one hour special entitled the decison. Then, he gives the money to charity as an excuse, yet will never give a dime out of his own pocket. Im not even a Cavs fan and i hate LeBron or being a stupid jerk. i hope he never wins

  • Rimango sempre esterrefatta quando leggo quel che succede dove vivi. Mi dispiace davvero molto leggere che le donne siano ancora trattate così e che soprattutto loro permettano un simile sistema. Per la zuppa invece non ci son parole, buonissima 🙂 Bacioni!!

  • Stay informative, San Diego, yeah boy!

  • Perfect answer! That really gets to the heart of it!

  • Yeah that’s what I’m talking about baby–nice work!

  • Thanks for sharing. What a pleasure to read!

  • Until I found this I thought I’d have to spend the day inside.

  • Former Congressman Billy Tauzin, R-La., who steered the bill? through the House, retired soon after and took a $2 million a year job as president of Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA), the main? industry lobbying group. That is why Obama is fixing it. The Bill will close 50? % of it. At least Obama is trying. Republican want 100% donut hole to continue benefit the Insurance and Pharma. Damn Republican & Insurance. Close the donut hole.

  • Enlightening the world, one helpful article at a time.

  • Дмитро Програмую загалом на пітоні. Також іноді C. Хотів би отримати досвід ігродеву.Якщо гра буде безкоштовною та опенсорсною, то з радістю б допоміг

  • That’s an inventive answer to an interesting question

  • Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a few unrelated data, nevertheless really worth taking a look, whoa did one learn about Mid East has got more problerms as well

  • I and also my pals were analyzing the great information and facts located on your web site and so the sudden got an awful feeling I had not thanked the site owner for those techniques. All the people ended up as a result very interested to read through all of them and now have without a doubt been enjoying these things. Appreciate your getting simply thoughtful and also for settling on this sort of outstanding subject areas millions of individuals are really desirous to be aware of. My honest regret for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

  • i went to the one in sacramento and it opens whenever the doors open for us it was about 4 hours before the concert and they keep it up for a couple hours after too. its really cool and really fun i hope you have a good time.

  • Howdy very nice site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds also?I’m satisfied to search out a lot of helpful information here within the publish, we want develop more techniques in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  • Só me saem duques. quadras populares e "senas" tristes. Não sei quando, e se voltarei cá. Oficialmente estou internado no IPO. Se a coisa correr mal continuem a luta porque eu estarei ao vosso lado. Um abraço para todas as pessoas honestas.

  • I absolutely love your style. You are very current but at the same time true to yourself. I just adore these little details you add. I don't have a blog, but I always check out your posts and always look forward to them. Peace!-denisedc_ding@yahoo.com

  • gfunkifiedI didn’t realize that your two were the exact ages (nearly) of my two youngest! They are so much fun to have at home while their big brother and sister are at school. But you described three year olds PERFECTLY! So much fun. And they are just too cute.

  • scrive:Be Paolo,tu fai un uso dell’illuminazione che anche fotografassi me nudo avresti comunque un afflusso di genti nel tuo stream da esodo ^_^Già te l’ho detto in provato e te lo ripeto qui pubblicamente, sei bravissimo al di la di cosa ritrai.Grazie della visita!p.s.: andate a visitare il suo stream, ve lo consiglio!

  • Gorgeous quilt !! Plenty of great suggestions for options for aking it bigger. I'd add a border of bone then a border of half circles, then another border of bone, then bind. Good luck, can't wait to see the finished result.

  • Hey YouTube staff! I know this is a longshot, but I would like to see some minor video editing features in the future. like the ability to add a watermark (logo) of our own onto our video, ability to adjust volume levels (a biggy for me because my camera sound is very quiet), and maybe small titles. I don't know. I think just a few minor video editing features would be cool. Thanks!

  • That’s a shrewd answer to a tricky question

  • I told my kids we’d play after I found what I needed. Damnit.

  • I really bugs me that Wal-Mart has a paper trail with that 4473. Ever since that time my boat turned over in the Ohio river and I lost all my guns I have worried that someday someone from the ATF will come looking for something I no longer have.

  •   August 4, 2011I *love* this focus: “crafting fund-able plans for creating tools, processes and vehicles to expedite a disruptive paradigm shift …” Great snapshot of the current status. Can’t wait to see the proposals for work.

  • Wow! Roz! Them's fightin' words! Thank you for being our "Paul Revere!" May this post go viral. And read my post tomorrow to find out how all you teachers and administrators can join us in this battle.

  • Ingmarie- ja jag sÃ¥g hot-mojon, verkade varmt och mysigt;) E lite sugen pÃ¥ kort, men vill ju ha simhall ocksÃ¥!Västgötskan- jag vet! Gissar att man vänjer sig om man köper kort där.Jenny- haha ja kanske det;)…

  • Harddartz fully automated…..no gearstick needed! HSV OF THE SEA…! Our story has just begun.! An you my friend are the ring gearmeshing it all together champ! Thanks for your heartfelt efforts & dedicated passion in testing these babies.The best is dressed to come!!! Teehe.

  • una din primele probleme pe care mi-am pus-o si eu; dar mi-am amintit ca fratii lor mici, umbland ca teleghidati pe sine prin insulele lor mici, japonezii – care nu sunt decat varful foarte ascutit al unei palnii imense intoarse cu gura in jos – au infipt un manunchi gros de fibre optice adanc in inima pamantului tocmai ca sa le trimita lumina soarelui; sunt mana-n mana cu totii, stiu eu.

  • That’s cleared my thoughts. Thanks for contributing.

  • Smack-dab what I was looking for-ty!

  • We need more insights like this in this thread.